Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
