I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
