I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
