Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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