I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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