this beer tastes like vomit already
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
