i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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