Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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