Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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