Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
