I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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