That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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