I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
