so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
