It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
