And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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