No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
