I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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