So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
