6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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