can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
