3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
