It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
