You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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