So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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