id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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