i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
