Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
