when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
