Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
