dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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