she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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