He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
