Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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