you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
