Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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