If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
