I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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