Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
