my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
