Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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