the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
