id be glad to
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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