I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
