you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
