Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
