Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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