I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
