Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
