I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
