i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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